Martins BBQ -Fake Dates with Cassidy and Kevin

Originally Appearing in the Belmont Vision

Martin’s BBQ Joint
7238 Nolensville Road
Nolensville, Tenn.
615-776-1856

Our Picks
Cassidy: Whole Hog Pulled Pork meal with coleslaw and baked beans
Kevin: Redneck Taco with whole hog pulled pork, a side of coleslaw and Cheerwine.

Kevin: So I picked up Cassidy for our date. I had gone all out this time; my car was clean, I had a loaf of bread in the back seat and I looked pretty presentable.

Cassidy: He got points for picking me up; last time I had to drive. At the time, I didn’t know why he had a whole loaf of bread in his back seat, but as we started driving, I was beginning to think we would need it.

Kevin: Although Cassidy first thought I was crazy for bringing some bread along for our date, she soon realized why. This place was forever and a day away. When I picked her up for our date, it was bright outside, though the sun was setting. When we arrived it was as dark as an Al-Qaeda cave in Afghanistan.

Cassidy: As we were traveling through desolate fields and darkness–there it was. Nestled between a Sonic Drive-In and a Dollar General sat Martin’s. Now from everything I had heard about Nolensville, I anticipated we would eat dinner in a shabby brick building attached to Jiffy Lube. Martin’s was anything but.

Kevin: It was brightly lit and filled with televisions showing Monday Night Football (Jets vs. Vikings – and the Jets won.) The place looked like a cross between Five Guys and Joe’s Crab Shack, but with barbecue. The menu was pretty expansive, and luckily for us they were serving whole hog pulled pork that night.

Cassidy: The big pig is only served on Sunday and Monday, so we got the best of the barbecue. I was in the mood to impress Kevin and decided to order the specialty of the house, the pulled pork platter. Ever since I ordered chicken at Burger Up, Kevin has held it against me.

Kevin: It’s true, I totally have. Every time I see her, I sarcastically ask her if she’s “too chicken” to go on another date with me; obviously, she stepped up her game this time. I really wanted to order the ribs, but sadly, they were out of them, so I settled on the Redneck Taco, which is pulled pork on a pancake-sized piece of cornbread.

Cassidy: Despite Kevin’s less-than-manly taco, I decided that tonight could be special. We sat down, amidst the colored Christmas lights and Monday Night Football, with stolen glances that extinguished the need for words.

Kevin: The Christmas lights on the porch were so romantic that we couldn’t keep ourselves from holding hands. The way Cassidy’s face looked through the smoke from the barbecue pit. It was so heartwarming. As soon as we got the meal, however, our attention was focused on the food. And let’s just say it was a bit of a Debbie Downer.

Cassidy: As much as the waitress raved about the whole hog, I just didn’t feel the same. The pork was practically naked, with spotty bits of BBQ laced among the meat. Now I’d like to be quite honest–I like my meat smothered–just a little meat, and a lot of sauce. So Martin’s approach to BBQ was not quite my style, leaving me free to gaze at Kevin and his redneck meal.

Kevin: In my case, there was the perfect proportion of barbecue sauce to actual barbecue, but sadly the meat itself had an odd taste, sweet even. I don’t know how to explain it, but something about it being “whole hog” just gave it an interesting dimension. We left Martin’s soon after we finished eating because we had to make it back in time for class in the morning.

Cassidy: While I don’t particularly love sweet meat, the rest of the drive home was nothing but sweet nothings from Kevin. The half -hour drive seemed to last for only minutes. And then Kevin became irrational.

Kevin: Irrational or wise? I think wise. I spotted a Dairy Queen and we pulled in faster than you can say “low-fat frozen yogurt.”

Cassidy: He yelled something about ice cream and swerved into the center lane like a driver at 1 a.m. on New Year’s.

Kevin: Two things: one, I yelled out “Blizzards,” and two, I safely entered the too-wide turn lane. I was not being a reckless driver. As soon as we got into the drive-thru, we got some mini blizzards and were back on the road to Belmont. (If this were a review of DQ, we’d give it 1 Miss Tonya and 2 hearts).

Overall, we think Martin’s BBQ is a little bit too far and too mediocre to be worth the drive. It’s not outstanding, but it is better than anything you’d get from the caf.
The ambience isn’t conducive to a date, and let’s face it, barbecue breath is not what you want when going in for a kiss. We’d recommend the Sonic as a more romantic place than Martin’s; at least at Sonic, you can spend quality alone time in the car.